The Let Down

          Bethany sighed. She knew she had to stop hoping for a reply now. Now, before the rejection could really set in. She was no stranger to let down; having more encounters than she could remember. What she did remember was her continual rebound into the spiral of being used. It was almost like clockwork! A cute, funny guy would start a conversation and she would light up with joy abundant. She would dive in with no regard for her own heart.
         And then-with each of them, when they were done, when they had gotten what they wanted; the calls and texts would stop. She learned long ago not to inatiate contact after that. Bethany learned the hard way; that in doing so would only invite torment and more self loathing at her own weakness. And everytime, as she would fight back tears, she would tell herself, "I thought it would be different this time...I thought HE would be different." And her mind argues back..."you knew, you knew this would happen, So its time to move on, and forget. Stop the pain now before it gets worse. Forget it happened, and this time..Don't let it happen again."
               Her phone dings-she jumps to her feet grabbing the cell, hope shining in her eyes. ..Its not him. She sets the phone gently back down on the table, berating herself for getting excited again. For being hopeful after she just resolved to forget him. The cell dings again-she sighs and looks, almost uncaring anymore.

IT'S HIM! It's neither a rude nor rejection message. He wonders why she would think he would leave?! He's shocked, and reassures Bethany he will be here. He will still talk to her--and now he's waiting for her response....

Now the question, dear Beathany--is do you hope and spiral once more? Or do you stick to a hurt resolve, give up...and leave him hanging..just like they all left you?

Failure?

Its amazing how I can excel and do so much right. How I go out of my way to go above and beyond what needs to be done. I inspire no confidence I guess, My husband can't even see me doing something. I feel like a child, I feel terrible, I dont want a job that makes me mean, that makes me into the very salesmen I hate.  This is why I got out of the military. NO intergrity, or values, everyone is just out for themselves.